I’ve been particularly hopeless at very straightforward social situations this week.
On the weekend I went to some markets with a friend. I stopped at a stall to look at some teas while my friend continued on. I only wanted to look at the teas for a very brief moment, but the woman who owned the stall pounced on me.
“HI HOW ARE YOU HAVE YOU SEEN OUR TEAS WE LIKE TO FOCUS ON THE HOLISTIC HEALTH BENEFITS OF OUR TEAS THEY ARE ALL ORGANIC TEAS DO YOU LIKE TEA YOU SHOULD BUY OUR TEA.”
I stared at the woman fearfully and blurted, “I’ve lost my friend!” and ran away. It was an extremely undignified exit, especially because it turned out my friend was only one stall away, so I was still in full view of the scary tea lady after my hasty exit.
I had another spectacular social fail today in a jewelry store. The well-meaning sales girl approached me and said, “I love your dress. Where did you get it?”
This is what went through my head:
Shit, what dress am I wearing? I can’t remember what I’m wearing! I’m going to have to look down and see. Ok, looking down now. Wait, that’s not a dress! I’m not wearing a dress at all! This is a skirt and a separate top! Oh shit oh shit what do I do now? They aren’t ever from the same store! How do I explain all this to her? I just wanted to look at the cameo earrings and now my whole world is crumbling around me!
So I stared at her and said, “This is not a dress. It is a skirt and top.”
“Oh, sorry,” the girl replied.
“And I don’t remember where I got either of them!” I lied, and then fled the store.
So basically, if you want me to buy stuff from you, don’t talk to me. It will just be a painful experience for both of us.