Dragon Age: Pick-up Artist

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I’ve become a little bit obsessed with Dragon Age: Inquisition over the past few weeks. I haven’t played the first two games, but after thoroughly enjoying Shadow of Mordor I was in a bit of a high fantasy mood and so I decided to give Inquisition a go. It’s fantastic! The world is enormous and beautiful, full of thrilling battles and epic loot to collect. I’ve only walked off cliffs accidentally a couple of times.

A defining aspect of Bioware games like Dragon Age is the relationships you can form with the other characters. Your companions will have individual opinions about your decisions, you can have personal conversations with them, you can even form romantic relationships.

That last point is the one that has caused me a bit of a problem. Quite frankly, I’m ashamed of my behaviour in this game.

Inquisition has turned me into a sleazy, predatory pick-up artist.

No matter what I’m doing in this game, be it fighting demon hoards or negotiating political alliances, I have only one thing on my mind: which of these characters will I bone?

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I have tried to have a crack at every. single. character. ALL of them, regardless of gender, species or sexual orientation. No one is safe from my dialogue wheel of seduction. I’ve been hardcore flirting with characters I don’t even like, and ones who don’t even like me. I think I might have traumatized a few of them. Even this ugly brute isn’t safe from my elfin charms.

Hawt

Hawt

One day, as I was running from one character to the next, looking to see who had new flirty dialogue options available, I suddenly had a worrying thought. Is this what it feels like to be a man in a bar, looking for a girl to take home? Is this what it feels like to view human beings as nothing but sexual prey? Just another notch on the bedpost, another lay to brag about to your mates? I may be acting like a knob in a video game, but there are people in real life who actually have this mentality all the time. These are people who pride themselves on being like this. They even have seminars for this bullshit.

Isn’t that sad?

I realised I don’t want to be one of those people, not even in a virtual world.

Which is why I’ve decided to settle down with Warden Blackwall, if he’ll have me ❤

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