Tag Archives: Caitlin R Kiernan

Thoughts

My mind has been racing with thoughts lately. I’m collecting things in my head and can’t let go. I don’t really understand it, but I think it might have something to do with acupuncture.

Honestly, I was skeptical that acupuncture would do anything at all for me. But doctors hadn’t done much for me either, so I figured I had nothing to lose. And I think it might have helped me. But see, I’m really good at experiencing weird side effects from things. Maybe it’s just that I’m feeling better and now my brain doesn’t have as thick a fog of pain to fight through, or maybe that needle to the head opened something up. Whatever the cause something has definitely changed.

Mostly, the things I’m collecting in there make sense; stories and motifs that I’ve always been drawn to.

But I’m also suddenly really into wrestling and I’m very confused about that.

Look at this stupid shit I'm watching

Look at this stupid shit I’m watching

Anyway, back to the stuff that does make sense.

I decided to play through the old Silent Hill games after PT had such an impact on me. I rage quite the first one pretty quickly because the controls were awkward as hell and the graphics just didn’t hold up to today’s standards. Then I played the second one. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.

Silent Hill 2 isn’t like the other games. There are no nonsensical plots about cults and gods. Silent Hill is not just a spooky town, it’s the personal purgatory for the characters within the game. The monsters aren’t just monsters, they symbolise the emotional state of the protagonist. The game deals with some very heavy and dark themes. The fact that these are horrors that happen in the real world just makes it all the more disturbing.

This scene in particular, despite the slightly shonky voice acting, is one of the most heartbreaking scenes I’ve ever seen in a video game.

So I was already obsessing over Silent Hill 2 when I began to read a book called The Drowning Girl, by Caitlin R Kiernan. It’s a very surreal trip into the mid of a schizophrenic girl trying to figure out which parts of her mind are truth and which parts are… less true. At first I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but by the end I couldn’t put it down and couldn’t get it out of my head. I feel like I need to read it seven more times before I will really understand it. It’s a fantastic piece of weird fiction, quite unlike anything I’ve read before.

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So now my head is full of psychological horror and fog and ghosts and unreliable narrators and surrealism and monsters.

And wrestling! What the fuck!?

What even is this shit?

What even is this shit?

So I really need to do something with all of this stuff in my head. I still have so much work to do on my current manuscript but I can’t just ignore all these thoughts I’m having. I don’t know if anything will ever come from it, but I’ll just follow the thoughts and see where I end up.

Hopefully not back at wrestling.

Oh I give up

Oh I give up

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